I’ve been sleep deprived for several months now and there are times that I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again. There are of course nights that Noah is up several times during the night. And then there are nights that even though he’s sleeping peacefully, I’ve found yet another thing to worry about. (Is the swaddle blanket too loose so he will push it up around his face? Is the swaddle blanket too tight so it’s forcing his arms and shoulders into an unnatural position that will harm his development? Is he too hot? Too cold? Is he propped up enough that he can’t choke? Is there any possible way a pacifier could suffocate him?) You get the idea – irrational fears of a sleep deprived new mom that run through my mind as my baby boy is sleeping peacefully.
The past few nights, as sleep deprived as I am, I’ve taken a moment after Noah’s middle-of-the-night feeding to just snuggle and watch him. He sleeps in my arms and these sweet little smiles spread across his face. As I’ve seen a lot less of my little guy with him in daycare, these have become some of my favorite moments of the day – In the middle of the night, when I’m beyond tired myself. I know that he won’t always fit so snuggly in my arms. I know that he won’t always need to eat and cuddle in the middle of the night, when the whole house is quiet and it’s just me and him. I know he may not always smile these big, open mouth smiles in his sleep. I also know that even though it’s hard to be up during the night, and many days I feel like I just can’t do it anymore, when I see this sweet, smiling, sleeping baby, it melts my heart and makes my day.
I hope you find time to watch your sweet little ones smile today. 🙂